What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize