I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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