my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
