WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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