I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
