I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
