my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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