Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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