I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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