there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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