Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i was born a porn star she said
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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