It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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