i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
