I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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