its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
