TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
