when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
