what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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