That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
