We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
