After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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