I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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