Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
