so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
