I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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