Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
