I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
