my mouth tastes like poor choices
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
