Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
