if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
True but thats because hes a fetus.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
