There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
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