I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
