i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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