So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize