They should really pass out barf bags in church
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
