He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
