I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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