opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
