Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
