Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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