don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
This is my gift to your gina
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
