ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
