I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
