How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize