i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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