oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
