By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
