i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You took a bar mat shot.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
