maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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