i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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