dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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