whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
