dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
