Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
