my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You are the jesus of drinking
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize