I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I deserve this hangover.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
