I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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