I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
