do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
