There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
