i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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