This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
