dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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