right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
