i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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