so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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