Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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