Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
