Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
