The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
