The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize