so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
