He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Man, jail baloney is awful.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
