I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
