I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize