i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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