she told me i tasted like america
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
