I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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