I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
