soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
