I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
