Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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