your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize