Can i not drive my cunt home
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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