I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
