Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
