She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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