Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
