Sponge bath it is.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
