Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Can you bring me the toilet please
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
