Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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