yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Are my feet made of real feet?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
