Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
this just has baby written all over it
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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