I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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