We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
