If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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