The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
