Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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