he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
she pinky promised me she was 18
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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