at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
