My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
