Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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