I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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