I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
