i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
