So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Still dying that you shit outside
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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