Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
