My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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