Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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