glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
