i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
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