His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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