I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i dont even know how to be here
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
