go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
