I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
