He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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