I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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